The holiday emails are flooding my inbox, but what are the holidays? They mean nothing to me. Even without the lingering apathy, I still wouldn’t care for them. Years ago I stopped, and nothing can recall those feelings again. It stopped when I was a kid in court watching my parents fight and holidays torn between families. Soon there is nothing special about them, and getting together with the family means next to nothing. I had a brief resurgence of feelings when I was 19, but it was just like a surge in the generator; it lasted only a second. It’s getting harder to care about things these days. I don’t even feel like I should anymore. I used to try and guilt myself into having feelings, but now? I’m too old to make believe.
I thought about the different girls who were interested or are interested in me, but something special? What’s that anymore? I couldn’t care any less for any of them. I know the point when it stopped, there was a girl, though it’s not her fault. I wasn’t being careful like that day I cut my hand deep on that brick riding my motorcycle because I didn’t want to care about being safe, I just wanted to go fast. It was the same with her, and I look down at my hand which has basically heeled, but still hurts. It was like that, and certainly my fault.
Under my chair sleeps Lady on her back whimpering quietly in the middle of her doggy dreams, and I know there is something I care about, but that’s about it right now, but it’s enough.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment