If rivers had tides.

How things can change in a few weeks and even more so in a few months. If I weren’t cynical, I’d be depressed. I’ve had so many down turns lately I’ve forgotten what it’s like to look up, but the only thing that bothers me is that I have a week to figure out what the hell I’m going to do for the next 6 months. I don’t mind not knowing, but I have a little puppy to think about that I don’t want to leave behind. It’s about time for a change though. I could feel it as I was driving away from Christmas lunch. I got in my truck and good music was playing, and I felt like I should keep driving. It’s about time for somewhere else.

For the Love of God

People tell me about the things they love, and I wonder about them. What is this word so simple; only four letters. You care for someone and they care for you, and yet, difficult it seems. I’ve tried my hand at it, and failed, and I’ve watched other people failing thinking they were getting it right, and people still use it like it meant something, when really “I love …” should go the same way Godspeed went; by the wayside, except for those few who persist. My stepmother still uses something that translates as, “go with God,” though she’s Brazilian, and they still hold to religion, though not very closely.
I thought I was in love several times, but when I awoke, I realized love was beyond me just like the god that so many people talk about, but who never talks to anyone, except people who talk to themselves.
This love must be for either the simple, since it is such a simple word, or those too devout for me, about the same as god. Either only those too simple for greater things believe, or he only comes to those whose strength of belief is enough to create him, but where does he go when this strength is gone? Does he sit waiting for another with strength, or does he fade away until one day no belief holds him, and he is gone. And love? Are we evolving out of love? Out of belief? It seems we’ve gone so far to get nowhere. I think I’d like to go and take a nap, and that would be enough for me, but even that is beyond me today, at least until Friday. I hear Lady growling, and I wonder what she’s dreaming asleep under my chair. She must be chasing something ever active, even in dreams. If I could get close to love, it would be her, but still at times, I would even kick her, after chewing up something I needed or liked because it smelled like me. Is it a fault in me, a fault in her, or just the way things are? Does anyone know, or we all just pretending? And why do we always need a reason when not knowing is more truthful than pretending?