Don't Fall Down

There is no loneliness like working in the middle of the Amazon, a loneliness that kills solitude. Your head tells you what you already feel and keeps telling you until you’re too sick to stand it, but there is no escaping, no leaving. Work is all you know, and sleep is a bad memory taunting you with what you can’t have like the women that used to occupy that empty space beside you. The people that surround you want something from you, and to that end they pretend to like you, but you know. You see it in the change when you can’t give them what they want, even though your waking hours are spent in getting them what they want, though you can’t get it all, and they despise you for it.
You are surrounded by beauty, but you only see it in the periphery in passing. Nothing is more painful than such beauty without a moment to savor the sight, and you lie down for a few scant hours unable to sleep finally passing out of this realm with the hope that tomorrow won’t come, but it’s already here, another day where you don’t find the strength, you just keep moving so you don’t fall down. One day at a time is too much.