BETTER THAN THE LAST DAMN THING

You drank vodka not gin, gin tasted like something, and it reminded you of things, which is best to leave alone when you just want to drink. There was a new girl, but it was best to forget her. She looked like trouble when she asked you how she looked, and again? No, it was time for some quiet. A few drinks in quiet, some music, and try to sleep for once. Was it the job, the city, or the girl? Stop thinking about the girl, you’ll never sleep that way. It was time for nothing, not even forgetting. That took too much effort, and you were tired, of even trying. Tomorrow there was enough to do, but for today? There was vodka.

It was so god damned easy when you knew the world, knew what to think. But then you got closer, took a look around. And now? Fuck that, you were fucked up and you knew it, but you didn’t know how, and that was what bothered you. Because if you knew, maybe you could fix it, but like a modern mechanic without his diagnostics set, you were lost or at a loss, however they say it. Damned if I know was a common enough expression, but you were using it, for life with no other means of explaining the world you fell away from. Was it the beginning or the end? Damned if you knew, and maybe you would be, if you did.

You were a gambler, that is to say: a loser, in life and at the game. Even women went faster than chips, but that was it. This was the part you knew. Everything else was a blur, or at least you didn’t focus your eyes enough to see clearly, but why blame you? Who wouldn’t, if they could.